Who would have thought that these two delinquents would ever have a baby, let alone be responsible enough to keep that baby alive even a month?
And yet, here we are. We have managed to keep our son alive for a month and I'm not entirely sure how. But man are we glad that we have. And since I'm such an expert now, here are 6 ways to tell if you are a new mom besides the obvious "I watched a human come out of me" thing:
-you can only remember the last time you went to the bathroom by tracking when your child took his last nap, and even that isn't always reliable.
-you try to paint your fingernails because "happy mom means a happy baby" but you run out of time before the baby calls for your attention really he just wants the boob. You fully acknowledge that you've committed a fashion faux pas but just don't have the heart to either take off the polish you've already applied or find the time to finish the other hand. So you're now going on a week and a half of one hand being manicured and the other not.
-you've taken more naps using your nursing pillow than you have with your actual pillow.
-your clothes are always wet. Whether it's urine, spit up, poop, or your own breast milk, you haven't been completely dry since the babe was born.
-you not only change newborn diapers all day, but also your own. That is all I will say on the matter.
-you cry while rocking your baby to sleep because your heart is so full and you never thought it could be this good.
You are loved.
photos by Mallory Wolfgramm
***You guys, pregnancy was NOT for me. Hormones reigned supreme I was a grouch ball for 9 months, and there were some dark, difficult times. I dreaded labor and resented the loss of my physical abilities. I was convinced I wasn't cut out for motherhood. Now, it's still tbd if I'm actually cut out for this, but in case you're reading this and pregnant and not feeling super hot about it, just know that actually having the baby beats being pregnant 1,000 to 1. At least it does for me. I could say all the cliche things that are supposed to make you feel better, but I won't because they didn't ever make me feel better either. The only thing that made me feel better was finally meeting this little guy. I hope the same for you. ***