let's all be more like bath and body works

 

Does anyone else feel like no matter how many times they unsubscribe from Bath and Body Works emails they still get at least one message every day telling them how desperately they need a new candle or soap or wallflower thingy, and how this is the last sale they'll ever have? Even though they had the same sale about 5 days ago? Thinking about it, Bath and Body Works is about the most forgiving establishment there is. No matter how many times they tell you it's your last chance to get a $2.95 hand sanitizer, they'll let you have another go at it next week. 

Today, during the twilight zone that is Daylight Saving's Time Sunday, I succumbed to the pleadings of my child and got the play doh out. We will be finding/stepping on the crumbs of this stuff for days, but I took advantage of the opportunity and found 14 tubs of it that could be thrown away. In addition, this guy who is supposed to blow slime bubbles and his corresponding pieces but mostly just had the slime dribble out of his mouth in a rather gross way. Plus we don't own any slime. 

head count to date: 65

peace and cardio barre do I even know what I'm getting myself into tomorrow???

rrww

still in this

It's been busy and I missed a day but I'm taking it in stride and persevering. 

I was able to get rid of a rubber chicken because I mean it's a RUBBER CHICKEN a kids bowling set that actually sounds like a bowling alley because that's all a parent needs, an old art project, three random infant toys that never really did the job, a tiny dented magnetic drawing board, a dollar store fishing game missing more than half the pieces, a knock off nerf gun that worked surprisingly well but doesn't get play time, a crystal that was grown at home, and a tiny plastic pumpkin. 

Tonight I threw away two old cans of Dermoplast if you know you know and a single, random nursing pad. Not pictured is the 3 inch pile of owner's manuals that have not been opened in 2 years and exist on the internet anyway. Here is your permission to throw them away. IT IS FREEING. 

peace and daylight savings

head count to date: 48

rrww

parenting hack

I'd like to start by saying thank you to the eleven people who have expressed interest, support, and enthusiasm for this endeavor. I'd also like to thank the hundreds of others who at least didn't say anything mean. This place is a community and I just feel safe and like I've really found my people, you know? 

Minutes after sending that first post into the web-sphere I saw a video on instagram validating me and my quest for less, which I took as a sign from the universe. According to this account "studies show" that having less stuff in your home could improve your child's behavior! I do not know what these studies are! But hey, that eliminates some guilt I feel for wanting to get rid of toys! And it fits into my already comfortable world view! And she has hundreds of thousands of followers so that's basically the same thing as a peer reviewed paper! We're going with it!

Day two of No Stuff November was a hard day because motherhood. But as I brushed my teeth and realized I hadn't actively found anything to get rid of I decided to open my bottom bathroom drawer and see what I could see. In less than two minutes I know it was this amount of time because my toothbrush doesn't trust me to properly clean my teeth and counts for me, which is valid and only slightly patronizing of quip and also a selling point for me I found 4 things to throw in the trash.

Here we have a plastic pouch which contained a manicure set Harry got this from his last employment. While I held on to the clippers, file, and tiny little scissors baby steps guys I got rid of the pouch. 

I found my retainer, which says enough about my orthodontia habits, and gave myself permission to be rid of it since it doesn't even fit over my teeth anymore. And technically it was both the case and the retainer, so plus one on my body count. 

This is the box my engagement ring came in. I told Harry I was letting it go and he gave me a little grief about that until I reminded him that I still have my wedding rings and he is 0 for 3 in our marriage. He responded that his commitment to me isn't represented by a piece of jewelry and I said the same holds true of this box.

And lastly, tweezers that have no right to be called such.

Moral of this blog post is that, in less than two minutes, you can rid your home of clutter and get perfect children. Just look at me. 

body count to date: 26

peace and nap time

rrww

No Stuff November

 

Welcome to the documentation of my attempt to purge my home and force myself to be creative. It's gonna be a good time.

Now, let me just preface this by saying I am not a minimalist, nor am a maximalist read hoarder but I am the product of two very frugal and prepared families. If something has the potential to be reused, for whatever reason, I hold on to it because you never know. Will I suddenly find the time and motivation to embroider our Christmas stockings after 7 years? MAYBE. Am I going to find myself in dire need of 5 old, currently-not-working analog watches? I MIGHT. Who knows, maybe I'll suddenly have an identity makeover and actually use more than 4 items of makeup. IT COULD HAPPEN. 

As you can assume, I have a lot of things that I don't need. 

Hence the self-proclaimed No Stuff November. Each day I will be addressing some area of my home and seeing how many things I can say goodbye too. I think we often hold on to things because letting go feels like forgetting a memory, so instead I will be documenting those memories here, then letting the stuff go.

On the first day of No Stuff November I decided to relinquish two old picture frames we used in our wedding. They were on sale from Pottery Barn because they had someone else's name engraved on them which we covered with sticky tape. In addition I am getting rid of 4 picture frame stands I bought for Winnie's blessing day and have never used again, a cute wooden bead garland that I've never been able to hang on a mantel, 4 Halloween candle holders that I bought from the dollar section of target when we were in the midst of our poor, poor law student life, a binder notebook that I got in order to look professional and prepared in my job interviews in Minneapolis, a yarn holder gifted to me by an old roommate and 4 skeins of yarn which I accept will never become cute knitted booties. and breathe. 

I also decided to try to sell 3 Willow Tree figurines which are completely sweet but not quite my style, along with a very decent bluetooth speaker that has played many a Grateful Dead tune.

These blogs will not be my most creative or edited writing, but in addition to cleaning out my home I'm hoping I can clear out some creative blocks, dust off my brain, and get back in the game. 

body count to date: 21

peace and way way way too much Halloween

rrww

what i wanted to hear

I want to hear from a mother. I want to hear from someone who is in the throws of helping another person develop and learn how to navigate a fallen world. I want to hear from a mother who is giving her all, who will be real about the pain, stress and sorrow, and who will weep from the overflow of love and gratitude and fulfillment. Perhaps it's unusual to not want to be called an "angel mother" or be bathed in praise and stories of perfect moms who gave everything and did no wrong, but I don't want the motherhood experience to be brushed aside with a "You're the best" or an "I don't know what I'd do without my mom." While true, and I'm sure meaningful, I want to hear from someone who can speak to motherhood. From experience. Whatever that infinite variety of experience may be.

So, while somewhat self-importantly, here goes.

Happy Mother's Day moms. Here's to a day that's filled with the same responsibilties as yesterday was and tomorrow will be, but it's ours. It's ours to connect and support and share with each other. Mothers to single babies, to crowds of kids. Mothers to angel babies and mothers with longing in their hearts.  Mothers who are now caring for their moms, who miss their moms, who see themselves becoming their moms in all the best ways. Mothers whose work keeps them in the house, and mothers whose work keeps them out of it. 

I can only identify to a few of the types of mothers listed above, but no matter what your mothering looks like, we have a commonality. 

We are human. 

We are not perfect. We are not angels. We are not a fictional orange dog named Chili who can do no wrong. We have struggles and weaknesses and guilts surrounding motherhood and life in general. We have likes and dislikes and dreams and talents and so many strengths outside of being "mom." We are faceted and unique and are blessed with feelings that can overwhelm and also connect and guide. We have insecurities and goals and are here to experience the ups and downs just as fully as any other human. We are allowed to feel sad, or stressed, or confused, or lost just as much as we are allowed to feel happiness and wonder and pride and confidence. Being this way doesn't diminish our mothering, it enhances it.

What is astonishing about motherhood is that, given all that we are and all that we'd like to do with our lives, the places we could go, the freedom and success we could experience, we keep giving motherhood all that we can. 

"And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living."

We are casting in all of our living. We cast in our living body to bring another into this world. We cast in our hearts to be broken and filled and broken and filled time after time. We cast in our laughter and our sighs of exasperation. We cast in our brains, to be filled with endless schedules, preferences, and PBS kids trivia. 

So here's to this day. Not because we never make mistakes, never get worn out, or never question if this is really what we wanted. 

Happy Mother's Day because we keep trying.

rrww

three

creator

I create an art studio at my kitchen table. I create a moment of connection to nature in his room. I create bubbles in a bath, a mountain made of pillows quickly turned into a wrestling ring and endless construction zones for digging. I create a safe space on my lap where stubbed toes can be healed with a kiss and a rub, where questions like "what is life?" and "what is speechless?" can be answered. I create simple cookies that bring smiles and jumps for joy. I create a nest of a bed where he can be wrapped "like a burrito," snuggled, smiling, and surrounded by his closest friends. I create moments of breathing when the world seems too cruel and the emotions too much. I create a campsite, restaurant, doctor's office and repair garage with a simple invitation. I create concerts full of train, twinkle, and temple songs.  I create made-to-order lunches of endless mac n cheese. I create window washing games and weed-pulling sports. I create opportunities for him to prove himself to himself. I create his vocabulary and the little library by the side of his bed.

I create his world. Every day. 

These creations are not seen by anyone but me and him. There is no credit for or documentation of the creations that now consume my life. This work does not connect me to anyone outside of this little two person sphere. And sometimes that's lonely and exhausting and patience-trying and boring. 

But I am a world creator. He is worth it. And I hope it's enough. 

peace and motherhood

rrww