salon results

Ok. Let's all just admit that the blog is dying. Its life is slowly seeping out of it in a way that reminds me of my old beta fish, who eventually committed suicide by jumping out of his (or her? can you tell with fish?) tank, meeting death from the soft and cushy carpet of my upstairs bedroom. Oh Shooting Star, why did you have to leave me? Was it because I kept you in a tank the size of a shot glass? Did you  not like swimming, living in, and breathing your own feces? I thought your life was good. But I guess every shooting star eventually becomes a meteor that crashes into the surface of a planet and explodes. You were only living up to your name.

...why am I talking to my dead fish? 

#ihavenofriends #jk #ihavelotsoffriends #rightguys? #hashtag

ANYway, I came back to this forsaken land of a blog because for the first time in about 7 years I went to a hair salon. And while there I realized a few things about myself. Because self-realization can happen anywhere.

So, since it's been awhile, I present another list all about me. yay.

6 Reasons why I Don't Belong in a Salon

4 points for slant rhymes

1. Mirrors 

There are mirrors everywhere in salons. Big ones hanging from the ceiling, entire walls made of mirrors, little ones hidden in drawers, decorative circular mirrors arranged in perfectly random patterns, reflective surfaces on hair dryers and chairs, sparkles in the tile, and the eyeballs of the other women sitting in their adjustable seats. No matter where you are in the salon, you can see any other person in the salon, and sometimes the lady across the street walking her kitten in a night gown. I don't want to see myself or anyone else's backward face that much. people look like completely different beings in a mirror! admit it. and then you sprain your brain trying to realize that you've never actually seen your own face and what if you don't look anything like what you think you look like and then you're in a panic attack. But at least there's a mirror there for you to see yourself having a panic attack.

2. Small Talk

There are not many things I dislike more than having to make small talk with a complete stranger who I know I'm never going to see again. I don't like telling strangers about all the gossip of my life, my opinions on having kids, where I'd put a tattoo if I had one, or the name of my favorite childhood stuffed animal. it was mr. bear for all who are interested. he had a floral suit and bow tie. Nor do I care to hear about their latest drama with waxing their armpits, what shingles is like for them, or how many times they've spilled diet coke in their car. Chatting is some people's favorite part of the salon visit. But unless you want to small talk about the ethics behind price gauging during times of natural disaster, chat about the responsibility of the West in the current turmoil between Ukraine and Russia, or gossip about the completely ridiculous nature of conspiracy theories and my utter lack of patience for those who hold to them, I am not one of those people.

3. Literature

I shouldn't even call it that, for to do so is to disgrace every single combination of words that has ever existed on any of planets known or unknown to humankind. The magazines at the salon are trashy and degrading. I mean, I like attractive men, nice clothes, and beauty products as much as the next woman, but that stuff on the coffee table is out of hand. Fortunately I found a Sotheby's catalog to thumb through instead, and came to the conclusion that I need to own a $44 million dollar home in Park City. So far I have four 1 dollar bills in my wallet. #onmyway

4. Smells

I think I about died of asphyxiation a number of times. But hey, now my hair smells like flowers. Chemically engineered flowers. mmmmmmm

5. They cut your hair

I know, this seems ridiculous. That's why I went in there, to get my hair cut. But every single time I do I really wish I hadn't. Yes, it was only 2 inches and now it feels soft and smooth, the ends aren't breaking off into my food and I no longer resemble a 78 year old broom. But its shorter. I don't like that. And I had to pay for it.

6. I don't look any different

In the end, I walk out as Rachel Weiler. I haven't suddenly been transformed into Jennifer Lawrence or Blake Lively or Jennifer Aniston, who are the women I have hair envy of. I still have a cowlick in the middle of my forehead and whispies that do whatever the heck they want. i actually have very fond and endearing feelings toward both my cowlick and whispies. for the record. but is that weird still? meh.

I am grateful for the talent and training that the stylists in salons have undergone in order to provide me with such a necessary service. I'm just going to stick to my schedule of visiting the hair school every 6 months for my semi-annual trim. That way I can just keep looking like this for the rest of my life. 

Some man is going to be very lucky. Or at least very understanding.

peace and Reeses' Puffs Cereal

rrw

someday I'll post pictures from Montana. Its just that I have over 800 of them so....

call me vain

When people tell me that they have committed to simplifying their lives I think, "That would be a nice thing to do," because I'm convinced they mean they are eliminating personal drama by changing either their outlook on life or specific personality traits. They must be committing to eating only things that can be nuked in the microwave for a minute and a half before consuming (that's my kind of simple) or constructing a daily schedule that flows and is...simple.

I haven't really thought that my life needs any sort of simplifying. I kind of just do what I want. Fortunately the things I want to do don't often result in drama or complications. I mean, if I wanted to eat all my roommates' food, then we might have a problem. on further thought, that is a terrible example because really i do want to eat all my roommates food, but have learned that such actions are frowned upon. so...let's try that again. I mean, if I wanted to crash my car into all the other cars and treat University Avenue like the newest bumper car attraction, then the result would be drama and complication. other results would probably include blood, shattered glass, family rejection, 0 friends, and jail. 
as i said, complication.

So the fact that I want to go hiking/skiing, read about familial theology, wear sandals, take a thousand pictures, watch Lion King, and eat chicken pot pies isn't usually a problem. unless you're a chicken. in which case, i apologize. talk to marie calendar.

But this past weekend I noticed that I was doing a few things that I didn't want to do anymore. These things weren't resulting in any tremendous amount of drama, but they were making me feel a little bit...socialized. So, in the spirit of simplification, I will be attempting to do the following. i use the word "attempting" because man, social expectations are strong and basically... i am weaksauce.

no really, anything over mild flavored sauce makes me cry.

*grow my bangs out: With this I send out a preemptive apology to the universe for the next 3 and a half months of my life. We're all aware of this awkward stage. I am very aware, having gone through the process once already. But...I just don't want to have to straighten my hair everyday anymore. can i get a hear hear! from...anyone?

*limit makeup usage: A friend saw me without makeup on the other day and basically thought I looked like a different person. i have invisible eyelashes, what can i do? I then realized that I don't want my actual face to be unknown to people. I also realized that 15-20 minutes were being washed down the drain everyday. Literally. All of a sudden the thought of putting makeup on became completely exhausting. don't think i'm going all crazy natural here. i'll still use it. 
basically what i'm saying is eyeliner is for special occasions. so if i'm wearing it in your presence, congrats. i think you're special.

*keep my nails trimmed: I'm sick of trying to keep them perfectly rounded and clean. More often than not they chip and I become personally offended.

*"wear it if i want": Within reason, I will do my best to wear the things I want. If those shoes are comfortable and that sweater is too, who cares if one is brown and the other gray? Seriously, it's not the end of the world.

*not listen to music at every possible moment: Since I got my new, sweet phone I realized I was spending more and more time with earbuds in or speakers on. Walking to campus was suddenly a chore that only my Brandon Flowers station on Pandora could make better. Projects at work needed background music. I needed to be serenaded to sleep. For now I'm just going to try listening to my surroundings. i mean, the hills are alive right?

i apparently think that physical appearance is one of the most complicated aspects of my life. #callmevain

actually, i know that physical appearance is the most complicated aspect of my life.

i mean, putting pants on every morning almost drives me to tears.

tell me that's not true of us all though.

And just because I can, here are some more pictures.

st mary's falls

glacier national park

50'

typical

peace and pot pies

rrw

billy goat gruff

first of all, what the heck does "billy goat gruff" even mean?

no seriously, if you know, tell me.

a week and a half ago my roommates informed me that they were snakes.

i had no idea how to respond.

but then they finished their comment with "on the chinese zodiac."

i was relieved. i was not ready to have a bathilda bagshot experience.

hp. book 7. chapter 17.

i mean, that woman is creeeeeeeepy.

but i guess that's not her fault. i mean, voldy totes made her that way.

back to the zodiac

so we looked up the characteristics of snakes on my handy little phone that could basically take a colony of monkeys to the moon and rule over them in fairness, peace, and prosperity because it's just so dang cool and smart and found out a little bit about snakes. 

this is what stood out.

"snakes symbolize such character traits as intelligence and gracefulness."

"snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. they will be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not."

"the next year of the snake is 2013"

congrats guys. you made it.

intrigued by this somewhat accurate description of my roommates i eagerly went to figure out what animal i was according to the chinese.

immagoat.

and this is what it said.

"home and alone is where goats feel most comfortable."

"goats prefer the couch because there they can relax and explore their minds."

"the next year of the goat is 2015"

what.

a series of goat and couch jokes ensued.

so basically i have unofficially been established as the odd yet boring loner of the apartment kind of like merlin in "the sword and the stone" ya know? except he's far from boring and have had to come to terms with my newfound identity as a goat.

baaa?

since then i also discovered that my thoughts and writings helped in the awarding of a dear friend of a prestigious award.

and my inner goat was all like, "yeah, i'm a weirdy and i like the couch but my thoughts and words have power! hear me bleat!"

wait, do sheep bleat and goats bah?

whatever. too much thought on something that doesn't matter.

but i guess that's what makes me a goat.

moving. on.

so i sat down on the couch no but i really did and started brainstorming ok, this is starting to scare me about all the things i could do with my words.

the lives i could change!

the number of followers i could get on twitter

the policies i could enact!

the doughnuts i could persuade people to give me

no no, i mean

the inspiration i could invoke!

are you feeling inspired?

the words of uncle ben no, not the rice bowl guy passed through my head.

"with great power comes great responsibility."

my thoughts went wild.

long story short, i made a cheese quesadilla and read through stephen colbert's twitter feed.

give me a break, my year isn't until 2015.

if you need me, i'll probably be on the couch. 

thinking.

this one's for the goats.

taken in...you guessed it. 
GLACIER

oh my. have you ever seen a happier goat?

probably because he's covered in dirt.

i was that happy when i was covered in dirt.

peace and plants

i CANNOT get mine to grow.

rrw

i should win an oscar

so....i got this terrific cough thing going on.

i don't know what's up.

i'm just coughing like my lungs are convinced there's no tomorrow.

news flash guys: there is a tomorrow. i'd like you to be there too.

sometimes i talk to inanimate objects.

i mean, pocohantas kind of did the same, right?

so this weekend i spent a lot of time lying laying?lounging?lieing?on the couch, my bed, and sometimes the floor.

sunday night it was the couch as i, along with a billion other people, watched as our society participated in pagan idol worship.

i sat there, on the couch, in my stretchy pants, high school sweatshirt, messy bun, bleary eyes, and worn, stained, oh-so-favorite slippers.

and i sat there looking at prada and armani and dior and other foreign words.

and then i watched as channing and charlize danced and channing was wearing interesting shoes.
and then i watched as harry potter and robin also danced and i was reminded of how short harry potter is.
he's supposed to be tall. ask jkr.
and then i got goosebumps as les miserables cast sang.
and then i got a snack as chicago nonsense was happening.
and then anne won and i was happy.
i like anne. i really do. stop hatin on her.
she's our princess, remember?
and then i zoned out for a few hours.
and then i came back and wreck it ralph didn't win.
so i zoned out again.
and then i got really into the last three awards.
and definitely decided, along with the other billion watching, that i absolutely love jennifer lawrence.
and decided that i wouldn't mind that bradley cooper man looking at me the way he was looking at her.
and i also would have been all over having hugh jackman help me up the stairs if i was her.
and then hugh lost.
and ben affleck won.
well, technically argo but it's the same.
ps. never heard of argo before sunday night.
it's like i live in a bubble or something.

i'm glad ben affleck won.
because i love him and jennifer gardner.
someone get them a pass along card.
that family needs to be eternal.
whateves. i'm sending them one.

and then it was 10pm, my lungs were still having a party, i was still wearing my stretchy pants and slippers, with a blotchy face and so many liquids inside of me i was about to burst.

i didn't feel very pretty.
and it was then that i decided that i kind of despise screens.
because they give you the allusion that you're living, doing something, being someone, interacting with people.
but in reality...no.
i can watch all the high profilers file past in their gowns and tuxes, but that doesn't change my current apparel.
i can reading as many facebook statuses and i want, but that doesn't change my current status.
i can pin as many recipes as i want, but that won't automatically make me a good cook.
no, only a miracle will do that.
heck, i can look at as many inspirationally fit bodies on an advertisement for weight watchers and that definitely doesn't change my physique.
you know how this goes.

and for that realization, the oscar goes to...me

the movie will be called "screens are for windows"
i think i'll have sofia vergara play me.
the resemblance is just too good.
#itsallinthelips


but while you're waiting for that cinematic masterpiece, go somewhere with no screens.
both literal and figurative.
maybe? does that even work figuratively?

for example, 10 minutes up the canyon.

now to pick out my oscar-winning dress...

peace and powder

heard the skiing was good this weekend.

i'm coming! just...hold on.

rrw

found the one

today i...

have a sunday hangover.

does anyone else know what i mean?

went to my 7 am cycling class.

almost got motion sick during my cycling class.

yeah.

just...yeah.

have a little bit of a headache.

look like a sprite remix can.

purple pants. pink sweater.

whatever. i'm rocking it.

???

arranged for the toilet in my apartment to be fixed.

basically it exploded.

played phone tag with the toilet fixer for too long.

lets get real. any phone tag with the toilet fixer is too long.

waited for the toilet fixer to arrive.

was relieved when he left and our toilet had been fixed.

i know. 

you were worried how that was going to turn out.

but let me tell you.

you do not appreciate having a functioning toilet until you are being glared at by the 7eleven cashier because you didn't even try to look like you were thinking about buying anything because you were already ashamed of being in a 7eleven on a sunday but really just needed to use a toilet.

you also don't appreciate having a functioning toilet until you are rationing your liquid intake in order to keep such trips to 7eleven at a minimum (9am and 11pm).

i apologize for the details.

felt like everyone was staring at me when i walked across campus.

seriously. everywhere i looked people were already looking at me.

#vain. #iknow.

it's probably because they haven't seen such bright colors in over 4 months.

enjoyed two strawberry creme swirl dove chocolates.

taste great. look AWESOME.

the chocolates told me

"Get swept away by love."

and

"Chocolate. Always your Valentine."

i wonder which one most accurately applies....

guess i found the one.

realized that one of my biggest pet peeves is when girls wear sweater-type boots and the soles of the shoes are not squarely underneath their feet, resulting in them walking on the side of boot.

...does that make any sense?

was told to tackle a professor by someone in the deans office.

mmmmm. i'll pass.

have silver sparkle stuff on my eyelids.

i just...was so worried about the toilet that the next thing i knew i was putting this stuff on my eyelids.

maybe that's another reason people have been staring.

#lookforthesilverlining

ON MY EYES.

still feel like i want to go to glacier.

#predictableiscuteright?

going to the sun road

53 miles long

3263 net change in elevation

21 feet wide

two lanes

so maybe i snapped these photos while we were driving up the road.
aka. teetering on the side of the road looking down hundreds of feet into the valley.
yes i did man the steering wheel on this road at least once.
yes it was a thrill.
yes i made it but then was too scared to parallel park on the side of the road.
#daddytakethewheel
i don't call my dad "daddy"

since when did the sky become white?
oh yeah. since the entire western half of america was burning all summer.
#smokey

logan pass
6646 ft elevation
known for springtime wildflowers and mountain goat sightings

hidden lake

trailhead starts at logan pass

only 3 miles round trip

hike down to lake sometimes closed due to bear sightings

#justourluck

#bringonthebears

hey sister sister!

greatest. show. ever.

mountains.

endless mountains.

{smiley face}

why do my legs always do that?

#ilooklikeaflamingo

don't worry. 

there are still quite a few more photos to come.

peace and peacocks
animal with the closest coloring to me right now.
...i don't know whats with bird comparisons this post.

rrw

courtesy of my phone.

a few things that i have brought to my own attention:

*melted ice with the last four drops of root beer is not worth drinking.

ever.

*peanut butter ice cream goes well with catch up.

not catsup. 

gross

catch up.

with tanned and toned tracie, specifically.

maybe i should go to hawaii and the gym. 

then i'd look as good as she does.

dang.

*burnt cinnamon bears do not smell good.

*i will put ANYbody on my favorite person list if that person compliments my blog.

hello stranger. oh, you like my blog?

let's hug.

seriously though. 

i don't know why but compliments given to this go straight to my heart.

so, to all 4 of you that have complimented,

(i mean 5.

what's up grandma!)

i thank you sincerely.

and all of you that haven't...

no comment.

*i really like the camera on my phone.

really i just like my phone in general.

it's perfect when you're on a mountain and need a quick documentation.
and we all know how often that happens.

*i like my family.

*i like skiing.

*i like skiing with my family.

my family and i went skiing last weekend. 

whoa. reading the last few lines is like reading a first grade level book.

max is a boy.

max likes to run.

max is a boy who likes to have fun.

ok.

my mom didn't make it because she got new eyes.
no, she didn't go all minority report on us.

it's called lasik.

first time not wearing contacts in over 40 years.

so cool. 

but maybe makes me a little queasy?

don't touch my cornea.

anyway.

my dad had got us all day passes for christmas.

awesome blossom.

so we all headed up the big cottonwood canyon to enjoy the mountains.

was it enjoyable?

twas.

these were both taken out the front window of silky milky

that's our minivan.

the first was down in the valley.

the second up the canyon.

they speak for themselves.

i can't express how beautiful it was up there.

i just can't.

so. try to imagine it yourself.

i'll help where i can.

like...right below.
yes, the pictures of my family count as part of the beauty.
debatable?
whatever. we're gorgeous.

wait, did i say gorgeous?

oh. yeah. i did.

kudos to annie who got the bunny ears in.

sorry it's not your face.

but really?

they pulled the same face?

figures.

we're basically the fourth couple of the family.

so...what happens when she gets married and i'm all alone?

#9thwheel

#shesonly16

there's annie's face.
and saweet glasses.

after skiing we went and robbed a bank.
we just couldn't waste the outfits.

to the founder of the feast!

and the only family member who will let me take a normal picture of them.

thanks dad.

the squeegee ninjas.
rebecca has a squeegee for goggles built into her mittens.
yes, it's necessary.
yes, we used it.
yes, it was basically like getting our own lasik surgery.
vision is good.

while on the ride up my little sister asked my brother if the day's activities qualified for his blog.
he laughed.
which is understandable if you've ever looked at spence's blog.
do it.
he's a little crazy-intense-awesome-dare-devilish.
so it was no surprise when he decided he would show us all up by trying to ski up and over a tree.

impressive?
you be the judge.

the snow cave annie found?

more impressive.

three of us finished strong while the others bailed to take naps in the car.

no judgement.

but then we finished the night off with some papa murphy's take n bake pizza.

bbq chicken.

it's da best.

and some hawaiian for those with confused tastebuds.

again, no judgement.

then, much to my shame, i slept.

and slept.

and slept.

and missed out on games.

curse you beyond-comfortable bed in the darkest, quietest room in the house.

but the day was fun.

as they say,

"a family that skis together...yada yada yada..."

love em.

peace and pinetrees
gotta dodge em if you come skiing with us.
rrw



ps. 
just to clarify...

caroline isn't getting married.
but she IS going to the sweetheart's dance this weekend!
i'm more excited than she is.

love it or leave it

so i have this thing.

i guess you could call it "state pride."

or "love for utah."

or "my state is better than your state."

i'm sorry...but only kind of

or "defend the honor of the beehive state!"

or "why would i live anywhere else?"

whatever you wanna call it, i have it.

i love utah.

allow me to list a few of the many things everyone should love about this state.

*the mountains: the rockies are in many states, yes, but the rockies in THIS state...

umm...yes,

*the seasons: what do you want? we have it.

*the redrock: just go to southern utah and you will understand.

*the heritage: whether you share their faith or not, you must admit that this state was founded by incredible, strong, faithful people.

*the great salt lake: a remnant of the great and mysterious lake bonneville. i mean, it's like our own little ocean out there for those who prefer spending their time in bad-tasting water to clear, high mountain peaks. but i mean, it's whatever.

i know that comparison to the ocean was a stretch, but like i said, i have this state pride thing BAD.

*the family ties: it seems like almost everyone i know has some sort of relative in utah.

*the olympics: the fact that the ENTIRE world couldn't take their eyes off of this place in 2002 says something about it, wouldn't ya say?

*the snow: our license plates say it best.

and in order for such wonderful precipitation to occur, an extremely necessary ingredient is needed.

what is it? ah yes. allow me to explain.

you see, it's this.

COLD.

now, on a different tangent, but one that will tie in with the above thoughts, i'd like to explain a phenomenon that occurs in utah.

it's call inversion.

when high pressure builds up around the wasatch mountains, it pushes the cold air down into the valley.

while there, this cold air mixes with all our yummy and irresponsible pollution.

now the air is super heavy. 

follow?

this super-heavy cold air has no chance of escaping the valley, what with the with the laws of physics and thermodynamics reminding us that while hot air rises, cold air does not.

so the cold air is left in the valley.

and with snow on the ground, reflecting the small amounts of sunlight that make it through the layer of newly developed "smog," there's no hope of warming the ground.

so it stays cold.

and gets colder.

which is why all our phones say its -1 degree out there.

there are many things to love about utah, one of which is the cold.

it's part of this state.

the thing is, with so much to love, more people keep coming here.

i can't blame them.

but if you're going to come here and drive your car and fly your planes and run your furnace and put all your pollution into the air, then i'm going to have to ask you to stop complaining about the cold.

because just maybe, your pollutants are making it worse.

perhaps this is coming off a little "green" and sounding like a bunch of "hippy talk"

maybe i'll get hired to do a prius commercial

i don't really care if it does. 

i'd be fine with that.

but my main concern is this.

how would you feel if i came into your home, tramping mud and dirt,

breaking things,

using all your toilet paper,

putting silverware in your microwave,

and eating all your oreos,

and then proceeded to criticize you for the fact that your microwave doesn't work.

no?

i don't like it either.

oh, and you're welcome for the crash course in meteorology. 

rrw

but...i'm only 20?

today i felt like i had a mid-life crisis.

do i really know what that is?

probs not.

but i'm just guessing it might feel like today.

explanation:

i felt out of place and overwhelmed by the abhorrent pile of laundry suffocating my room and enveloping my living space.

so i sat there and thought about my dream life.

living and working in glacier national park, probably at one of the beautiful lodges.

or teaching english somewhere foreign and cold.
or hiking along the appalachian trail while listening to a playlist dedicated to jonsi.

but...i'm not in those places.

i'm here. in provo.

and i have school tomorrow. and reading to do. and a ward to try to fit in with. (not doing so hot with that right now)

and once i thought about all of that, the midlife crisis came back.

so i thought to myself, "rach. you're 20. save the crisis for another 20 years. and stop being dramatic."

so i did my laundry.

(even washed my sheets. it's a big deal)

and cleaned my room.

and read about conspiracy theories.

and listened to lion king and jonsi (because that gave me a little taste of the dream).

and read doctrine and covenants.

and played the card game "nines."

and wished bob ross a happy birthday.

and decided to blog about my mid life crisis.

and came up with this slogan:

"mid life crises: they're better when your laundry is washed and your room is clean."

so, based on my scientific calculations, i can expect my next mid life crises to happen in 3 weeks.

when it's time to do laundry again. 

...

(maybe i can push it to 4 weeks)

peace and pancakes.
(made those for breakfast this morning)

rrw

to the boys

today i got yelled at by a man.

he used foul language and offensive hand gestures.

he stopped his silver pickup truck right in front of me so i couldn't leave, rolled down his window, and let the insults and degradation flow.

it hurt.

i've never experienced this before.

and i realized how grateful i am that i hadn't.

i'm grateful for the men in my life.

they are respectful, kind, funny, caring, gentle, and strong.

they are my dad, my grandpas, my brother, my brother-in-law, my uncles, my cousins, my friends, my home teachers, my bishops, my classmates, my coworkers, my neighbors.

these are men.

not that person in the pickup truck.

boys, please don't let yourself ever become that.

"Fathers, single adults, leaders, home teachers—be worthy models and help the rising generation of boys become men. Teach them social and other skills: how to participate in a conversation, how to get acquainted and interact with others, how to relate to women and girls, how to serve, how to be active and enjoy recreation, how to pursue hobbies without becoming addicted, how to correct mistakes and make better choices"

-Elder D. Todd Christofferson