Saturday, October 11, 2014

look a-likes

I have been the extremely flattered recipient of a common compliment for the last nine and a half years. 2005 was the year that Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants changed the world. Girls everywhere started making bank accounts with funds to one day visit Greece and find their own Kostas. That same demographic decided that sharing anything and everything was the only way to truly show your dedication to friendship. Lice reports skyrocketed as brushes, bows, and berets made the rounds. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

It was the time of Blake Lively. And apparently I had found my doppelgänger.

Wow, even she's really excited about that.

I mean, I guess we have the same color of hair. I don't really know. But after being told that I look like her for probably the 93rd time today, I started reevaluating my appearance by reviewing old photos of myself. Because who doesn't love a good self-stalk-shesh? hashtag. abbreviations are still in.

The result of my stalk was that yes, I do often resemble figures other than myself. Are they as glamorous as the wife of Ryan Reynolds? You be the judge. Because you better believe this is about to become a list of people and things I have resembled in my lifetime.

1. When my family took a summer hiking vacation to Glacier National Park and my dad told me to go pose on a rock, I ended up looking like this flamingo about to take flight.

2. After two days of living with new girls in a new apartment my sophomore year of college, I found some gloves and a hat in the front closet. Naturally I adorned the apparel and paraded around, ultimately scaring my new roommates, who probably thought they had just moved in with The Cookie Monster.

3. Put me anywhere, anytime, and I will find a way to sleep. A bench on campus? Easy. The floor of the Kiev International Airport? More difficult. But I found a way, like unto the Pokemon Snorlax.

4. I saw a ladder. I thought I would be the epitome of grace upon climbing it. Instead, I ended up looking like the man from "Singing in the Rain." Minus the rain, plus a harness.

5. Walking down the street in Burgas, Bulgaria. A camera was pulled and I was directed to pose. In my mind I was "vogue." In reality I was "Gumby."

i mean, how does the human anatomy even allow me to do that?

6. I was in St. George and it was windy. So naturally I become the women from "The Prince of Egypt." 

that's some niiiiiiiiiice typography.

7. And lastly, Smee and me. Me and Smee. We are the same.

And there you have it. Whether you wanted it or not. Have a good weekend and go hiking.

peace and identity crises. 
that's the plural for crisis. i looked it up because i didn't know before just now. #eternalstudent


Monday, October 6, 2014

hi i'm rachel

Social media just informed me that #MeetTheMormons is trending. And that's super cool. Yeah I'm a little confused as to why all of my Mormon friends are so excited to meet the Mormons. i mean...we're friends right? or do you at least have a mirror? or you've seen your reflection in the shiny surface of your phone yeah? and don't pretend that you haven't ever checked yourself out in the reflection of the harold b lee library windows because i've seen you do it while blocking my own view. But I figure hey, if everyone is so excited about this, I'll just go ahead and introduce myself. But with a twist because dang I'm getting good at that in Zumba. So here you go. Prepare to meet Rachel based solely on instagram posts.

Hi, I'm Rachel and apparently I'm the epitome of laziness. To the point that I lay in bed while my mom organizes by closet. Apparently I'm also really into stripes and scarves. And by apparently I mean obviously yes.

Hi, I'm Rachel and this is my idea of a food post. And yes these were back to back posts and no I still don't know who gave me those Reeses a year and a half ago but yes I do still think of them with a smile on my face.

Hi, I'm Rachel but I have quite a few nicknames. Take your pick.
Oh, and I like to ski.

Hi, I'm Rachel and I'm from Utah, which is the best so if you live in Provo stop complaining about how Utahans drive because if you'll notice everyone is from out of state anyway.'re the problem.

Also, I'm semi-opinionated. So I'm majoring in Political Science to help me mellow out. Let's discuss Putin.

Hi, I'm Rachel and am not married...

...but that doesn't mean I'm single. heh. heh. booyah.

I lived in Ukraine...

...ate this for Thanksgiving last year...

...and will obviously make a great mom because this is how I am with kids at every single waking moment and I never get sick of it or frustrated and I teach them about everything they'd ever need to know like how to stop the spread of lice.

I have a weird thing with Montana. Specifically Glacier National Park.

I wish I were a hippie, so sometimes I just pretend I am by hiking and taking pictures and wearing sandals and doing henna tattoos. But then I realize I'm wearing business casual clothes while I sit at a computer at an extremely conservative institution while I make endless copies onto the skin of trees.

Yeah. Hippie lyfe.

And this is my family. Who are the subjects of the majority of my instagram posts. Especially Cooper and Timbre (not pictured).

And there you go. You've now met a real, live Mormon. Minus the fact that this is over the computer, which maybe defeats the point of meeting me? But think, this way you didn't have to try to politely avert your eyes because I have a piece of lettuce from my turkey avocado swiss sandwich stuck in my teeth. I literally do not know how it became infused to the enamel in my mouth, but so be it.

(that's a link to click)

peace and floss