Since I've already admitted to using and enjoying the social media dating application known as Tinder, I've decided to give a little inside advice about it, or at least the guidelines that I think all users should have to follow in order to use it. I mean, I've been on it for almost a week now so I'm completely qualified to do this. Yes, these are my personal views and/or opinions. And yes, they are right. So here you go.
A Guide Through Tinder: Get the Fire Started by Rachel Weiler
All observations come from a girl's first impressions of Tinder. Buckle up boys.
1. Dress to Impress.
You are strong. You like to lift. You have muscles. And that picture of you carrying a dead yak obviously tells me that you could carry me over the threshold of our home once we are married. I appreciate this. I appreciate this a lot. But I have yet to swipe right on a guy who is shirtless and flexing in more than one of his pictures. I'll allow one because I mean...it's nice sometimes.
2. Quality Matters.
If the first photo I see of you is grainy and dark, I swipe left without even thinking twice. But no matter what your interests or distance or little bio with a quote from a TV show I don't know says, if you have a high quality picture, I WILL stop and think twice. I'll probably click to see your other pictures as well. So leave the mirror selfie for when we're a couple and we go shopping together and you need me to see how ridiculous the tie die pants I picked out for you are and you don't want to come out of the changing room.
We all do it.
"Am I wearing booty shorts and a cupcake top?" mirror selfie.
3. It's who you know.
As the Spice Girls would say, "If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends." Buddy, the more mutual friends we have, the better. In fact, that is my key deciding factor. In my head, the more friends we have in common, the less of a stranger you are and the less creepy it is for me to be talking with you/making plans to meet. "No, I'm not planning to go spend time with a complete stranger. I'm going to spend time with this guy who is friends with that one person I met in a gas station on my way to Canada three years ago. It's basically like we know each other already. #soulmates."
4. First Encounter
If we've matched, I'm waiting for you to message. Sorry. I just am. I mean, I've already given you the assurance that I think you're cute. So be brave. Sara Bereilles will be proud. Do it. Talk to me. I'm not as scary as everyone apparently thinks I am (which is a post for a different day) and will probably just end up rambling about how I smashed a raw egg on my head for Christmas. Maybe you saw it?
And yes, I did talk about this with a Tinder match. We aren't talking anymore.
5. Be Sharp, not Dull
I have been highly impressed with a few of the gentlemen who have struck up conversation with me on Tinder. When the response makes me laugh, I message back immediately. If the conversation starter is "Hey, *insert some sort of comment on my physical appearance*" I don't respond.
Sheesh. That came across cold. Maybe I'm scarier than I think I am.
6. It Stays Within Tinder
On the occasion that I come across someone I know outside of Tinder, I swipe left. There are a few arguments for and against this going around in my head, but if he hasn't asked you out in person already, and he's on Tinder, then there's probably not much use in it, right? Unless of course you just want to see if they'd respond the same way. Or you have previously agreed to swipe right for each other. Which, contrary to popular belief, is not pathetic and sad.
Well, there you have it. The foolproof and effective way of using Tinder. You know what's interesting? Most all of these guidelines can somehow apply to dating in real life. So you are welcome. I've just handed you the key to success in pursuing...me.
How wonderful for you.
peace and turtle necks
i. love. these. things.