Thursday, February 28, 2013

billy goat gruff

first of all, what the heck does "billy goat gruff" even mean?
no seriously, if you know, tell me.

a week and a half ago my roommates informed me that they were snakes.
i had no idea how to respond.
but then they finished their comment with "on the chinese zodiac."
i was relieved. i was not ready to have a bathilda bagshot experience.
hp. book 7. chapter 17.
i mean, that woman is creeeeeeeepy.
but i guess that's not her fault. i mean, voldy totes made her that way.
back to the zodiac

so we looked up the characteristics of snakes on my handy little phone that could basically take a colony of monkeys to the moon and rule over them in fairness, peace, and prosperity because it's just so dang cool and smart and found out a little bit about snakes. 
this is what stood out.

"snakes symbolize such character traits as intelligence and gracefulness."
"snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. they will be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not."
"the next year of the snake is 2013"
congrats guys. you made it.

intrigued by this somewhat accurate description of my roommates i eagerly went to figure out what animal i was according to the chinese.

and this is what it said.

"home and alone is where goats feel most comfortable."
"goats prefer the couch because there they can relax and explore their minds."
"the next year of the goat is 2015"

a series of goat and couch jokes ensued.
so basically i have unofficially been established as the odd yet boring loner of the apartment kind of like merlin in "the sword and the stone" ya know? except he's far from boring and have had to come to terms with my newfound identity as a goat.

since then i also discovered that my thoughts and writings helped in the awarding of a dear friend of a prestigious award.
and my inner goat was all like, "yeah, i'm a weirdy and i like the couch but my thoughts and words have power! hear me bleat!"
wait, do sheep bleat and goats bah?
whatever. too much thought on something that doesn't matter.
but i guess that's what makes me a goat.
moving. on.

so i sat down on the couch no but i really did and started brainstorming ok, this is starting to scare me about all the things i could do with my words.
the lives i could change!
the number of followers i could get on twitter
the policies i could enact!
the doughnuts i could persuade people to give me
no no, i mean
the inspiration i could invoke!
are you feeling inspired?

the words of uncle ben no, not the rice bowl guy passed through my head.
"with great power comes great responsibility."

my thoughts went wild.

long story short, i made a cheese quesadilla and read through stephen colbert's twitter feed.
give me a break, my year isn't until 2015.

if you need me, i'll probably be on the couch. 

this one's for the goats.

taken guessed it. 

oh my. have you ever seen a happier goat?
probably because he's covered in dirt.
i was that happy when i was covered in dirt.

peace and plants
i CANNOT get mine to grow.


Monday, February 25, 2013

i should win an oscar

so....i got this terrific cough thing going on.
i don't know what's up.
i'm just coughing like my lungs are convinced there's no tomorrow.
news flash guys: there is a tomorrow. i'd like you to be there too.
sometimes i talk to inanimate objects.
i mean, pocohantas kind of did the same, right?

so this weekend i spent a lot of time lying laying?lounging?lieing?on the couch, my bed, and sometimes the floor.

sunday night it was the couch as i, along with a billion other people, watched as our society participated in pagan idol worship.

i sat there, on the couch, in my stretchy pants, high school sweatshirt, messy bun, bleary eyes, and worn, stained, oh-so-favorite slippers.
and i sat there looking at prada and armani and dior and other foreign words.

and then i watched as channing and charlize danced and channing was wearing interesting shoes.
and then i watched as harry potter and robin also danced and i was reminded of how short harry potter is.
he's supposed to be tall. ask jkr.
and then i got goosebumps as les miserables cast sang.
and then i got a snack as chicago nonsense was happening.
and then anne won and i was happy.
i like anne. i really do. stop hatin on her.
she's our princess, remember?
and then i zoned out for a few hours.
and then i came back and wreck it ralph didn't win.
so i zoned out again.
and then i got really into the last three awards.
and definitely decided, along with the other billion watching, that i absolutely love jennifer lawrence.
and decided that i wouldn't mind that bradley cooper man looking at me the way he was looking at her.
and i also would have been all over having hugh jackman help me up the stairs if i was her.
and then hugh lost.
and ben affleck won.
well, technically argo but it's the same.
ps. never heard of argo before sunday night.
it's like i live in a bubble or something.

i'm glad ben affleck won.
because i love him and jennifer gardner.
someone get them a pass along card.
that family needs to be eternal.
whateves. i'm sending them one.

and then it was 10pm, my lungs were still having a party, i was still wearing my stretchy pants and slippers, with a blotchy face and so many liquids inside of me i was about to burst.

i didn't feel very pretty.
and it was then that i decided that i kind of despise screens.
because they give you the allusion that you're living, doing something, being someone, interacting with people.
but in
i can watch all the high profilers file past in their gowns and tuxes, but that doesn't change my current apparel.
i can reading as many facebook statuses and i want, but that doesn't change my current status.
i can pin as many recipes as i want, but that won't automatically make me a good cook.
no, only a miracle will do that.
heck, i can look at as many inspirationally fit bodies on an advertisement for weight watchers and that definitely doesn't change my physique.
you know how this goes.

and for that realization, the oscar goes

the movie will be called "screens are for windows"
i think i'll have sofia vergara play me.
the resemblance is just too good.

but while you're waiting for that cinematic masterpiece, go somewhere with no screens.
both literal and figurative.
maybe? does that even work figuratively?

for example, 10 minutes up the canyon.

now to pick out my oscar-winning dress...

peace and powder
heard the skiing was good this weekend.
i'm coming! just...hold on.


Thursday, February 21, 2013


you forget your address and have to message a roommate to ask what it is
and the conversation turns into an exchange of lotr puns
it's normal

the door is a lot heavier than you anticipate so it doesn't adequately open for you to squeeze past and you get stuck as the door closes on you
just picture like, a fat dog trying to get through a too small doggy-door
i'm the fat dog

the bottom of your chalupa disintegrates and all the insides end up outside

your coworker says you look "pinteresty"
aka hipster
aka i didn't shower today

jklolhags i definitely was flattered

every older woman in your department compliments your sweater and you start to wonder if you look like a grandma
psh no. 
i look like a pin.

drinking out of water bottle is a lot harder than it should be
don't mind me professor
i just have water dripping off my face
continue to tell me about your stationary bike

you watch a video like this and just laugh
because secretly you're envious

envious of what?
i don't know.
just envious

i bet they would get stuck in doors too
{sympathy face}

peace and pillows
i seriously want a nap


sometimes people run into the glass door right in front of my desk and i laugh and feel bad but really just think it's hilarious.

don't feel bad library boy.
sometimes it just happens.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

and i was all like...

a week ago i was all like

now i'm just like

especially that sparkly leaf kelly's rockin.
i kind of secretly want that.

in between those two soundtracks of my life a lot of good stuff happened.
stuff like....

the. thickest. cake/cookie. i. have. ever. eaten.
my family was down for valentines day.
i had other plans so couldn't meet up with them.
but my dad left me this wonder on my doorstep.
it was red velvet.
because he remembers how much i love that because caroline and i went on and on about how much we love that on our vacation to florida last summer.
he's a good dad.
hi dad.

campus reunions.
i was called a diamond in the rough.
you know who you are.
thank you.

coldstone creamery.
imma...just going to stick to the ice cream from here on out.
funnel cake? not overly impressed.

shopping with el padre and hermana.
completely entertaining.

a new ski jacket resembling a certain biblical article of clothing.
and it was red and yellow and green and blue...
i love it.

games. games. games.
forbidden island
zeus on the loose
crazy eights
valentine matching game created by my dad
word on the street

it's a new way to play

sometimes the games can get heated but in the end we're all family and get along just as well as you would expect a semi-normal happy family to.

birthday celebration!
rebecca is a quarter of a century old.
and she got some NICE dishes to help satisfy her "dish itch"
mmmm! for gluten free cake.
actually it's pretty good.

this is the "birthday picture."
youre welcome.

missionary farewell.

lord of the rings on tv.
yes it went until the wee hours of the morning.
yes i stayed up to watch it all.
yes my behavior will ALWAYS be such.
and aren't i glad i stayed up because around 1:14am on monday i received...

an email.
one that i really probably shouldn't have gotten
and had a total of 14 words in it
and might be one of the best emails i've ever received
as i expressed in my prompt three word response.

millcreek canyon.
always a pleaser

we so ninja.
minus caroline.

wreck it ralph.
this commentary isn't going in small type because i loved that movie so much.
it was hilarious.
and clever.
and cute.
and original.
and clean.
and everything good about a movie that you can think of.
as we were walking out of the theater a little 5 year old girl said to her dad,
"i have never seen something as good as that. this is the best day."
i hear ya child.
i hear ya.
go see it.
i'll come with you.
plus it's at the dollar......

peace and paninis.
had those over the weekend too.


Monday, February 11, 2013

found the one

today i...

have a sunday hangover.
does anyone else know what i mean?

went to my 7 am cycling class.

almost got motion sick during my cycling class.

have a little bit of a headache.

look like a sprite remix can.
purple pants. pink sweater.
whatever. i'm rocking it.

arranged for the toilet in my apartment to be fixed.
basically it exploded.

played phone tag with the toilet fixer for too long.
lets get real. any phone tag with the toilet fixer is too long.

waited for the toilet fixer to arrive.

was relieved when he left and our toilet had been fixed.
i know. 
you were worried how that was going to turn out.
but let me tell you.
you do not appreciate having a functioning toilet until you are being glared at by the 7eleven cashier because you didn't even try to look like you were thinking about buying anything because you were already ashamed of being in a 7eleven on a sunday but really just needed to use a toilet.
you also don't appreciate having a functioning toilet until you are rationing your liquid intake in order to keep such trips to 7eleven at a minimum (9am and 11pm).
i apologize for the details.

felt like everyone was staring at me when i walked across campus.
seriously. everywhere i looked people were already looking at me.
#vain. #iknow.
it's probably because they haven't seen such bright colors in over 4 months.

enjoyed two strawberry creme swirl dove chocolates.
taste great. look AWESOME.

the chocolates told me
"Get swept away by love."
"Chocolate. Always your Valentine."
i wonder which one most accurately applies....
guess i found the one.

realized that one of my biggest pet peeves is when girls wear sweater-type boots and the soles of the shoes are not squarely underneath their feet, resulting in them walking on the side of boot.
...does that make any sense?

was told to tackle a professor by someone in the deans office.
mmmmm. i'll pass.

have silver sparkle stuff on my eyelids.
i just...was so worried about the toilet that the next thing i knew i was putting this stuff on my eyelids.
maybe that's another reason people have been staring.

still feel like i want to go to glacier.

going to the sun road
53 miles long
3263 net change in elevation
21 feet wide
two lanes

so maybe i snapped these photos while we were driving up the road.
aka. teetering on the side of the road looking down hundreds of feet into the valley.
yes i did man the steering wheel on this road at least once.
yes it was a thrill.
yes i made it but then was too scared to parallel park on the side of the road.
i don't call my dad "daddy"

since when did the sky become white?
oh yeah. since the entire western half of america was burning all summer.

logan pass
6646 ft elevation
known for springtime wildflowers and mountain goat sightings

hidden lake
trailhead starts at logan pass
only 3 miles round trip
hike down to lake sometimes closed due to bear sightings

hey sister sister!
greatest. show. ever.

endless mountains.
{smiley face}

why do my legs always do that?

don't worry. 
there are still quite a few more photos to come.

peace and peacocks
animal with the closest coloring to me right now.
...i don't know whats with bird comparisons this post.


Thursday, February 7, 2013

bachelor? sign me up.

ok. ok.
the bachelor.
it's a controversial show that most people love to hate and hate to love.
or they just love it.
i'm more on the hate to love side.

i watch it because i can't believe people can actually behave the way they do.
i watch it because it's so unnatural and horrifying and i can't look away.
it's like a train wreck.
or fascination of the abomination.
shout out to joseph conrad.
i watch it because i have fond memories of watching with certain people in the past.
i watch it because maybe it makes me feel better about my life.
rather be single than dating someone who's dating 18 other
i watch it because i like to compare the girls eyebrows.
seriously get all sorts of shapes on that thing.
i watch it because i like to count how many times the word "amazing" can be used in one episode.
seriously. the number is amazingly high.
i watch it because there is always multiple helicopter dates.
and i can always think of at least 14 other things they could be doing.

i watch it.

but until last night i never had any desire to be apart of it.
and then they went on a trip.
and i was overcome with so much emotion and longing it felt like i would never be happy until i was there.
i've yet to feel such strong emotions for an actual person.
and yet they come for a location?
i'm so weird.

usually the destinations on this show include places warm and sunny with palm trees and jungles.
and lots and lots of beaches.
and fewer and fewer clothes.
sand, fires, boats, caribbean waters, sunburns, lotion, sandals, and fewer and fewer and fewer clothes.

but not this time.
this time they went somewhere that actually has character and potential and charm and beauty and wonder.

they went to glacier.

i want to go to glacier.
i want to live in glacier.
i'd like to fall in love in glacier?
psh. who am i kidding.
i'm already in love.

with glacier.

and so i have decided to go back through all my photos from that glorious week spent up north.
it'll probably kill me with envy can you envy yourself? like, your past self? but i'm going to do it.

get ready for a lot of pictures.
probably spread throughout many posts.

but just in closing, if abc is going to be taking trips to such "amazing" places, then i will begin my application for the next season.

i've already started practicing my use of "amazing."
and once i get my eyebrows done i'll fit right in.

glacier national park
august 2012

the view from the back porch of our house.

lake mcdonald
10 miles long
1 mile wide
472 ft deep

obviously i could use some tips on posing.
and do you remember my awkward knee bend?

 peace and mountain lakes
i gave up on the "p" thing.
alliteration is hard.


Tuesday, February 5, 2013


as my boss pointed out today, i have the bad case of the "should'ves."
when she first said this to me i thought she was swearing.

upon closer examination, i agreed.
and upon even closer examination, it was concluded that i have the "should'ves" quite often.
but that's a personal problem.

anyway, i have deemed today, "SHOULD'VE TUESDAY"
has a certain unpleasant ring to it, don't you think?

i should've gone to bed earlier last night.

i should've woken up on time this morning.

i should've eaten breakfast.

i shouldn't've eaten my lunch so early.

i should be more interesting.
my profile is sad.
i'm a girl. i breathe. and i'm a mormon.

i should've stopped eating snack size candybars about 5 hours ago.

i probably shouldn't've started eating snack size candybars at all.

i should've washed my hair today and worn cuter clothes.
but i kinda think i look like katniss everdeen. 
minus the bow and arrow.

i should've ordered more toner cartridges at work.
on my fourth trip to the jsb copy center in the last hour.

i should've...
i could've... 
ok not really, but
i would've...

...built a hut and stayed here forever.

pictures from summer 2012 trip to glacier national park

peace and pumpkin cookies.
shouldn't've eaten those either.