i should win an oscar

so....i got this terrific cough thing going on.

i don't know what's up.

i'm just coughing like my lungs are convinced there's no tomorrow.

news flash guys: there is a tomorrow. i'd like you to be there too.

sometimes i talk to inanimate objects.

i mean, pocohantas kind of did the same, right?

so this weekend i spent a lot of time lying laying?lounging?lieing?on the couch, my bed, and sometimes the floor.

sunday night it was the couch as i, along with a billion other people, watched as our society participated in pagan idol worship.

i sat there, on the couch, in my stretchy pants, high school sweatshirt, messy bun, bleary eyes, and worn, stained, oh-so-favorite slippers.

and i sat there looking at prada and armani and dior and other foreign words.

and then i watched as channing and charlize danced and channing was wearing interesting shoes.
and then i watched as harry potter and robin also danced and i was reminded of how short harry potter is.
he's supposed to be tall. ask jkr.
and then i got goosebumps as les miserables cast sang.
and then i got a snack as chicago nonsense was happening.
and then anne won and i was happy.
i like anne. i really do. stop hatin on her.
she's our princess, remember?
and then i zoned out for a few hours.
and then i came back and wreck it ralph didn't win.
so i zoned out again.
and then i got really into the last three awards.
and definitely decided, along with the other billion watching, that i absolutely love jennifer lawrence.
and decided that i wouldn't mind that bradley cooper man looking at me the way he was looking at her.
and i also would have been all over having hugh jackman help me up the stairs if i was her.
and then hugh lost.
and ben affleck won.
well, technically argo but it's the same.
ps. never heard of argo before sunday night.
it's like i live in a bubble or something.

i'm glad ben affleck won.
because i love him and jennifer gardner.
someone get them a pass along card.
that family needs to be eternal.
whateves. i'm sending them one.

and then it was 10pm, my lungs were still having a party, i was still wearing my stretchy pants and slippers, with a blotchy face and so many liquids inside of me i was about to burst.

i didn't feel very pretty.
and it was then that i decided that i kind of despise screens.
because they give you the allusion that you're living, doing something, being someone, interacting with people.
but in reality...no.
i can watch all the high profilers file past in their gowns and tuxes, but that doesn't change my current apparel.
i can reading as many facebook statuses and i want, but that doesn't change my current status.
i can pin as many recipes as i want, but that won't automatically make me a good cook.
no, only a miracle will do that.
heck, i can look at as many inspirationally fit bodies on an advertisement for weight watchers and that definitely doesn't change my physique.
you know how this goes.

and for that realization, the oscar goes to...me

the movie will be called "screens are for windows"
i think i'll have sofia vergara play me.
the resemblance is just too good.
#itsallinthelips


but while you're waiting for that cinematic masterpiece, go somewhere with no screens.
both literal and figurative.
maybe? does that even work figuratively?

for example, 10 minutes up the canyon.

now to pick out my oscar-winning dress...

peace and powder

heard the skiing was good this weekend.

i'm coming! just...hold on.

rrw