what i wanted to hear

I want to hear from a mother. I want to hear from someone who is in the throws of helping another person develop and learn how to navigate a fallen world. I want to hear from a mother who is giving her all, who will be real about the pain, stress and sorrow, and who will weep from the overflow of love and gratitude and fulfillment. Perhaps it's unusual to not want to be called an "angel mother" or be bathed in praise and stories of perfect moms who gave everything and did no wrong, but I don't want the motherhood experience to be brushed aside with a "You're the best" or an "I don't know what I'd do without my mom." While true, and I'm sure meaningful, I want to hear from someone who can speak to motherhood. From experience. Whatever that infinite variety of experience may be.

So, while somewhat self-importantly, here goes.

Happy Mother's Day moms. Here's to a day that's filled with the same responsibilties as yesterday was and tomorrow will be, but it's ours. It's ours to connect and support and share with each other. Mothers to single babies, to crowds of kids. Mothers to angel babies and mothers with longing in their hearts.  Mothers who are now caring for their moms, who miss their moms, who see themselves becoming their moms in all the best ways. Mothers whose work keeps them in the house, and mothers whose work keeps them out of it. 

I can only identify to a few of the types of mothers listed above, but no matter what your mothering looks like, we have a commonality. 

We are human. 

We are not perfect. We are not angels. We are not a fictional orange dog named Chili who can do no wrong. We have struggles and weaknesses and guilts surrounding motherhood and life in general. We have likes and dislikes and dreams and talents and so many strengths outside of being "mom." We are faceted and unique and are blessed with feelings that can overwhelm and also connect and guide. We have insecurities and goals and are here to experience the ups and downs just as fully as any other human. We are allowed to feel sad, or stressed, or confused, or lost just as much as we are allowed to feel happiness and wonder and pride and confidence. Being this way doesn't diminish our mothering, it enhances it.

What is astonishing about motherhood is that, given all that we are and all that we'd like to do with our lives, the places we could go, the freedom and success we could experience, we keep giving motherhood all that we can. 

"And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living."

We are casting in all of our living. We cast in our living body to bring another into this world. We cast in our hearts to be broken and filled and broken and filled time after time. We cast in our laughter and our sighs of exasperation. We cast in our brains, to be filled with endless schedules, preferences, and PBS kids trivia. 

So here's to this day. Not because we never make mistakes, never get worn out, or never question if this is really what we wanted. 

Happy Mother's Day because we keep trying.

rrww