Well people, I've made it. I made it through the pages and pages of reading. I survived the research, the writing, and the presenting. I withstood the battering of other's opinions and I took all my finals. It's over. My education is now complete. I know everything there is to know. And because I'm now working full time and becoming an adult and going to 7:30 am meetings where we discuss the quarterly reports, percent gross increase of clientele and rolling 12 month audits, I now reveal my sought-after knowledge of how to survive a college education at Brigham Young University.
1. Avoid the Creamery on 9th during the evening on Monday (FHE night), Tuesday (Early Mutual Group night), Wednesday (Normal Mutual Group night), Thursday (Late Mutual Group night), Friday (1st Date night), Saturday (2nd Date night) or Sunday (blessed sabbath). If you do go, don't ask for a shake any time past 10:30 pm, because while they are open for another half an hour, the entitled freshman behind the counter will have prematurely cleaned all the blenders and will not soil them another time simply to satisfy your late night craving.
2. The printers in the SWKT will always be offline for 10 minutes every hour. That 10 minutes will always be right before your class on the 7th floor. Go to the MCKB to print off your 23 page paper when you have procrastinated printing and are now about to fail your research class.
3. The first floor of the library is the quietest place to study, but it is also 20 degrees colder than the rest of the building. Take your parka.
4. Hiking the Y is a rite of passage and all those who defy such tradition have cold, cruel hearts. you know who you are.
5. Caffeine isn't sold on campus. It's actually not that big of a deal. People should just drink water anyway.
6. Don't study in the Media Center...ever. But especially not on Saturday afternoons when all the little boys from the surrounding neighborhoods come in to use the computers to play some sort of destroying aliens game. Yes, they are allowed to do this because their parents bought them a pass from the BYU library so they could use the BYU computers instead of their home ones. No, the student employee behind the circulation desk can do nothing about it. Yes, you can reprimand the 11 year old boy next to you and tell him to go play soccer instead, but yes, you will feel old, cranky, and guilty afterwards.
7. Take Writings of Isaiah from Brother Ball at all costs. Someone is yet to take me up on this advice, but I will proclaim such truth until it is the last word upon my lips. Life changing stuff.
8. Try not to get too sad that you're not dating anyone while everyone else seems to be dating someone. Instead, leave America and do cool things. then you'll come back and someone might think you're kind of cool and then you'll start dating in your last year of school. maybe. i don't know. it could happen i guess.
9. Always remember to take your water bottle with you after class, for if you leave it behind it will enter the abyss of the lost and found, whose clutches will cling to your vessel of liquid like a sticky elastic hand on glass. analogies. i've got 'em.
10. Talk to your professors outside of class. I didn't realize that I was a person until my last year of school. Lame. You think they're intimidating because they have more education than you. And you're right. Go talk to them anyway and they'll help you, with more than your paper. And then when you walk across the stage at convocation they'll whisper your name out and wave to you and you'll wave back and kind of start crying because you actually do love them. It's weird.
11. Getting a degree is kind of a family affair. Keep them close. Go home or call on weekends. That way when you can't imagine writing another paper in your life while you're just a freshman HA! your family can gently remind you that you have 3 and a half more years of writing much more difficult papers.
peace and go cougs
rrw
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