happiness

Today while I was walking to work, I thought to myself "I would be so much happier if I were single." It had been a rough morning with me getting after Harry to clean up the spilled orange juice, a puddle in the bathroom from our leaking shower, my hair being greasy but me not wanting to wash it oh woe is me!, carpet that hasn't been vacuumed in weeks and has bits of toast, cheese, and salt stuck in it, you know the crumbs you can feel with your bare feet when you walk? gross. and a desperate plea to the powers above that I somehow could stay home from work. It was a morning that was also compounded on a rough night, because that's just how life works right? 

So as I walked to work, realizing that I had forgotten to take the frozen chicken out of the freezer so we could actually eat something other than macaroni and cheese for dinner, I thought "I would be so much happier if..." which was followed by a long list consisting of things like:

...if I had long, beautiful hair 

...if I were single and only had to worry about feeding myself

...if I didn't have to clean up after anyone else

...if I could afford to have someone grocery shop for me

...if I had an actual home instead of renting an apartment

...if I lived within some vicinity of the mountains 

...if I could be paid to just frolic on the beach like everyone on Instagram seems to be able to do

I've begun to realize and be taught by my mother, who keeps me grounded that happiness is becoming less and less of a spontaneously occurring state, and more and more of a goal that I have to actively work for. And despite what everyone on your phone might show, sometimes being happy is hard. For some reason choosing to do the things that you know will make you happy seems impossible. Satan has made beds too comfortable and treadmills not enough so, just to keep us miserable. so we should all go exercise just to show the devil who's boss. and ohmygosh i'm suddenly having an epiphany about what exercise and the temptation to be lazy actually is. stay with me here. lucifer is all bummed out because we have bodies and he doesn't so he wants us to be lazy and sleep all day so essentially we aren't using our bodies and we're miserable and then he wins. i'm going to start a gym class based on this.

Back to the point. Although the point is morphing as I type because things are coming into my mind and I don't know how this is all going to wrap up. At some point in our lives, we will have to actively work on being happy. And I think that's ok. Whether it be hauling ourselves to the gym, committing ourselves to that class we're interested in, being brave and generous, reading a good book instead of watching crummy TV, exploring a new place, reading a conference talk instead of mean facebook posts, or blogging for the first time in years despite blogs basically being dead. If we are medically able to choose happiness, or at least choose to work on happiness, then we should. 

I mean, if you think about it, why not?

This is me on a frozen lake. Because that's the type of thing people do in Minnesota.

peace and brian kershisnik

i'm in love with this piece

rrww