parenting hack

I'd like to start by saying thank you to the eleven people who have expressed interest, support, and enthusiasm for this endeavor. I'd also like to thank the hundreds of others who at least didn't say anything mean. This place is a community and I just feel safe and like I've really found my people, you know? 

Minutes after sending that first post into the web-sphere I saw a video on instagram validating me and my quest for less, which I took as a sign from the universe. According to this account "studies show" that having less stuff in your home could improve your child's behavior! I do not know what these studies are! But hey, that eliminates some guilt I feel for wanting to get rid of toys! And it fits into my already comfortable world view! And she has hundreds of thousands of followers so that's basically the same thing as a peer reviewed paper! We're going with it!

Day two of No Stuff November was a hard day because motherhood. But as I brushed my teeth and realized I hadn't actively found anything to get rid of I decided to open my bottom bathroom drawer and see what I could see. In less than two minutes I know it was this amount of time because my toothbrush doesn't trust me to properly clean my teeth and counts for me, which is valid and only slightly patronizing of quip and also a selling point for me I found 4 things to throw in the trash.

Here we have a plastic pouch which contained a manicure set Harry got this from his last employment. While I held on to the clippers, file, and tiny little scissors baby steps guys I got rid of the pouch. 

I found my retainer, which says enough about my orthodontia habits, and gave myself permission to be rid of it since it doesn't even fit over my teeth anymore. And technically it was both the case and the retainer, so plus one on my body count. 

This is the box my engagement ring came in. I told Harry I was letting it go and he gave me a little grief about that until I reminded him that I still have my wedding rings and he is 0 for 3 in our marriage. He responded that his commitment to me isn't represented by a piece of jewelry and I said the same holds true of this box.

And lastly, tweezers that have no right to be called such.

Moral of this blog post is that, in less than two minutes, you can rid your home of clutter and get perfect children. Just look at me. 

body count to date: 26

peace and nap time

rrww

No Stuff November

 

Welcome to the documentation of my attempt to purge my home and force myself to be creative. It's gonna be a good time.

Now, let me just preface this by saying I am not a minimalist, nor am a maximalist read hoarder but I am the product of two very frugal and prepared families. If something has the potential to be reused, for whatever reason, I hold on to it because you never know. Will I suddenly find the time and motivation to embroider our Christmas stockings after 7 years? MAYBE. Am I going to find myself in dire need of 5 old, currently-not-working analog watches? I MIGHT. Who knows, maybe I'll suddenly have an identity makeover and actually use more than 4 items of makeup. IT COULD HAPPEN. 

As you can assume, I have a lot of things that I don't need. 

Hence the self-proclaimed No Stuff November. Each day I will be addressing some area of my home and seeing how many things I can say goodbye too. I think we often hold on to things because letting go feels like forgetting a memory, so instead I will be documenting those memories here, then letting the stuff go.

On the first day of No Stuff November I decided to relinquish two old picture frames we used in our wedding. They were on sale from Pottery Barn because they had someone else's name engraved on them which we covered with sticky tape. In addition I am getting rid of 4 picture frame stands I bought for Winnie's blessing day and have never used again, a cute wooden bead garland that I've never been able to hang on a mantel, 4 Halloween candle holders that I bought from the dollar section of target when we were in the midst of our poor, poor law student life, a binder notebook that I got in order to look professional and prepared in my job interviews in Minneapolis, a yarn holder gifted to me by an old roommate and 4 skeins of yarn which I accept will never become cute knitted booties. and breathe. 

I also decided to try to sell 3 Willow Tree figurines which are completely sweet but not quite my style, along with a very decent bluetooth speaker that has played many a Grateful Dead tune.

These blogs will not be my most creative or edited writing, but in addition to cleaning out my home I'm hoping I can clear out some creative blocks, dust off my brain, and get back in the game. 

body count to date: 21

peace and way way way too much Halloween

rrww

what i wanted to hear

I want to hear from a mother. I want to hear from someone who is in the throws of helping another person develop and learn how to navigate a fallen world. I want to hear from a mother who is giving her all, who will be real about the pain, stress and sorrow, and who will weep from the overflow of love and gratitude and fulfillment. Perhaps it's unusual to not want to be called an "angel mother" or be bathed in praise and stories of perfect moms who gave everything and did no wrong, but I don't want the motherhood experience to be brushed aside with a "You're the best" or an "I don't know what I'd do without my mom." While true, and I'm sure meaningful, I want to hear from someone who can speak to motherhood. From experience. Whatever that infinite variety of experience may be.

So, while somewhat self-importantly, here goes.

Happy Mother's Day moms. Here's to a day that's filled with the same responsibilties as yesterday was and tomorrow will be, but it's ours. It's ours to connect and support and share with each other. Mothers to single babies, to crowds of kids. Mothers to angel babies and mothers with longing in their hearts.  Mothers who are now caring for their moms, who miss their moms, who see themselves becoming their moms in all the best ways. Mothers whose work keeps them in the house, and mothers whose work keeps them out of it. 

I can only identify to a few of the types of mothers listed above, but no matter what your mothering looks like, we have a commonality. 

We are human. 

We are not perfect. We are not angels. We are not a fictional orange dog named Chili who can do no wrong. We have struggles and weaknesses and guilts surrounding motherhood and life in general. We have likes and dislikes and dreams and talents and so many strengths outside of being "mom." We are faceted and unique and are blessed with feelings that can overwhelm and also connect and guide. We have insecurities and goals and are here to experience the ups and downs just as fully as any other human. We are allowed to feel sad, or stressed, or confused, or lost just as much as we are allowed to feel happiness and wonder and pride and confidence. Being this way doesn't diminish our mothering, it enhances it.

What is astonishing about motherhood is that, given all that we are and all that we'd like to do with our lives, the places we could go, the freedom and success we could experience, we keep giving motherhood all that we can. 

"And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living."

We are casting in all of our living. We cast in our living body to bring another into this world. We cast in our hearts to be broken and filled and broken and filled time after time. We cast in our laughter and our sighs of exasperation. We cast in our brains, to be filled with endless schedules, preferences, and PBS kids trivia. 

So here's to this day. Not because we never make mistakes, never get worn out, or never question if this is really what we wanted. 

Happy Mother's Day because we keep trying.

rrww

three

creator

I create an art studio at my kitchen table. I create a moment of connection to nature in his room. I create bubbles in a bath, a mountain made of pillows quickly turned into a wrestling ring and endless construction zones for digging. I create a safe space on my lap where stubbed toes can be healed with a kiss and a rub, where questions like "what is life?" and "what is speechless?" can be answered. I create simple cookies that bring smiles and jumps for joy. I create a nest of a bed where he can be wrapped "like a burrito," snuggled, smiling, and surrounded by his closest friends. I create moments of breathing when the world seems too cruel and the emotions too much. I create a campsite, restaurant, doctor's office and repair garage with a simple invitation. I create concerts full of train, twinkle, and temple songs.  I create made-to-order lunches of endless mac n cheese. I create window washing games and weed-pulling sports. I create opportunities for him to prove himself to himself. I create his vocabulary and the little library by the side of his bed.

I create his world. Every day. 

These creations are not seen by anyone but me and him. There is no credit for or documentation of the creations that now consume my life. This work does not connect me to anyone outside of this little two person sphere. And sometimes that's lonely and exhausting and patience-trying and boring. 

But I am a world creator. He is worth it. And I hope it's enough. 

peace and motherhood

rrww

nothing new regarding social media

I just finished watching The Social Dilemma on Netflix and I would just like to add my testimony that it is true.

But in all seriousness, I've been trying to cut way back on my social media intake lately and I will tell you I feel like I've been freed. While my Facebook account has been basically obsolete for years, my Instagram usage was sky high at the beginning of the year. I'd find myself on that app for hours a day, coveting things I never knew I wanted, reading endless and mostly forgettable memes, and feeling despair and anxiety at the seemingly hopeless state of the world and the people in it. 

What a great way to spend your life, right?

After an especially consuming and depressing season on the gram, I and my husband knew I had to do something. I took the app off my phone and began my rehab. That might sound like a joke, but it's not. For days my fingers would automatically swipe twice to the right and hover over the empty space where the app used to be before I even knew what I was doing. I would sit and wonder what that especially appealing influencer was doing this weekend, or whether I was missing out on awesome shopping deals for things I didn't want but hey, what's the harm in just checking right? 

It was weeks before I stopped missing it. 

And instead I have sat and played in the sand more, been more aware of my son's point of view which point of view usually consists of garbage trucks, diggers, and airplanes. I've passed my reading goal for the year and enjoyed moments as they happened, rather than worrying about whether I got a photo. I've caught more of the nuances of a two year old, played a few more board games, and been more content with what I have. 

I haven't left completely. This documentary describes the usefulness of a tool that sits and waits for when you need it to accomplish a task - like a bike. It's there and helpful, but only when you need to use a bike. Social media can be this, but it's not designed to be so. Social media doesn't sit and wait for when you decide to use it. It reaches out with likes and pins and mentions and emails in order to get your attention at all times. 

I want to use it as the tool it can really be, which is why I followed the example of a cherished freshman roommate who only looks at social media on her computer. The apps are off our phones, and I have to make the conscious decision to type in the website to see its contents. At this point, I can catch up on new babies being born, friends celebrating various achievements, sisters running absurd distances, and brief checks on the influencers without the weight of it being carried around with me all day. My mind literally feels lighter. 

And if I ever do feel the strong desire to share something again, I do. I re-download the app, post my thing, and then delete the app off my phone again. 

This program presents quite dire circumstances due to the the manipulation and algorithms behind social media. It is well worth watching and considering how you use these apps, or how they are using you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

A moment I witnessed from the back window which I could have easily missed 

rrww

let's hear it for the blog

 

Around December of 2019 I was brought face to face with my hubris. My hard drive, with 10 years worth of photos, gave up the ghost. Me, being the combination of frugality from both the Frost and Weiler families, had turned my nose up at the idea of paying to store my photos online. In my mind, my little hard drive, dutifully named "HARRYPOTTER," would always be there for me. It was a blow to my ego, and I felt betrayed by a hobby that I had found so much joy and fulfillment in. Since that time, I have almost stopped taking photos altogether. What's the point in putting so much effort into documenting and organizing your memories if they can all just be gone in an instant? 

But then I remembered the blog. It's been warming this little web address on the internet for just shy of 10 years. And during my more dutiful years of blogging, had more than two posts each week. While I laugh and cringe at my younger documentation techniques, it has been a joy to relive memories I had forgotten, see pictures I thought were gone, and recognize the growth I've gone through.

I made a goal in my Sanvello app to start taking a few photos again. It's a major way that I've found creativity in my life. This week we went to Hebgen and that seemed like a great place to start again.

I often roll my eyes when the blog gets mentioned, laughing it off as an old hobby from a long ago time. But I'm so grateful for the time I took to document. Moral of the story? Let's all blog again. 

Or just back up your hard drive.

peace and the blogosphere

rrww