nothing new regarding social media

I just finished watching The Social Dilemma on Netflix and I would just like to add my testimony that it is true.

But in all seriousness, I've been trying to cut way back on my social media intake lately and I will tell you I feel like I've been freed. While my Facebook account has been basically obsolete for years, my Instagram usage was sky high at the beginning of the year. I'd find myself on that app for hours a day, coveting things I never knew I wanted, reading endless and mostly forgettable memes, and feeling despair and anxiety at the seemingly hopeless state of the world and the people in it. 

What a great way to spend your life, right?

After an especially consuming and depressing season on the gram, I and my husband knew I had to do something. I took the app off my phone and began my rehab. That might sound like a joke, but it's not. For days my fingers would automatically swipe twice to the right and hover over the empty space where the app used to be before I even knew what I was doing. I would sit and wonder what that especially appealing influencer was doing this weekend, or whether I was missing out on awesome shopping deals for things I didn't want but hey, what's the harm in just checking right? 

It was weeks before I stopped missing it. 

And instead I have sat and played in the sand more, been more aware of my son's point of view which point of view usually consists of garbage trucks, diggers, and airplanes. I've passed my reading goal for the year and enjoyed moments as they happened, rather than worrying about whether I got a photo. I've caught more of the nuances of a two year old, played a few more board games, and been more content with what I have. 

I haven't left completely. This documentary describes the usefulness of a tool that sits and waits for when you need it to accomplish a task - like a bike. It's there and helpful, but only when you need to use a bike. Social media can be this, but it's not designed to be so. Social media doesn't sit and wait for when you decide to use it. It reaches out with likes and pins and mentions and emails in order to get your attention at all times. 

I want to use it as the tool it can really be, which is why I followed the example of a cherished freshman roommate who only looks at social media on her computer. The apps are off our phones, and I have to make the conscious decision to type in the website to see its contents. At this point, I can catch up on new babies being born, friends celebrating various achievements, sisters running absurd distances, and brief checks on the influencers without the weight of it being carried around with me all day. My mind literally feels lighter. 

And if I ever do feel the strong desire to share something again, I do. I re-download the app, post my thing, and then delete the app off my phone again. 

This program presents quite dire circumstances due to the the manipulation and algorithms behind social media. It is well worth watching and considering how you use these apps, or how they are using you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

A moment I witnessed from the back window which I could have easily missed 

rrww

let's hear it for the blog

 

Around December of 2019 I was brought face to face with my hubris. My hard drive, with 10 years worth of photos, gave up the ghost. Me, being the combination of frugality from both the Frost and Weiler families, had turned my nose up at the idea of paying to store my photos online. In my mind, my little hard drive, dutifully named "HARRYPOTTER," would always be there for me. It was a blow to my ego, and I felt betrayed by a hobby that I had found so much joy and fulfillment in. Since that time, I have almost stopped taking photos altogether. What's the point in putting so much effort into documenting and organizing your memories if they can all just be gone in an instant? 

But then I remembered the blog. It's been warming this little web address on the internet for just shy of 10 years. And during my more dutiful years of blogging, had more than two posts each week. While I laugh and cringe at my younger documentation techniques, it has been a joy to relive memories I had forgotten, see pictures I thought were gone, and recognize the growth I've gone through.

I made a goal in my Sanvello app to start taking a few photos again. It's a major way that I've found creativity in my life. This week we went to Hebgen and that seemed like a great place to start again.

I often roll my eyes when the blog gets mentioned, laughing it off as an old hobby from a long ago time. But I'm so grateful for the time I took to document. Moral of the story? Let's all blog again. 

Or just back up your hard drive.

peace and the blogosphere

rrww

the best two years

To our golden boy.

love,
rrww

i'll miss you, i'll miss you not

Things we will not miss about Minnesota:
-snowpack on roads from December to April
-poorly timed traffic lights
-merging lanes shorter than our couch
-having to bag our own groceries

Things we will miss about Minnesota:
-strawberry/raspberry/apple picking
-parks on every other block
-ice skating on frozen lakes
-cheese curds
-excellent hospitals
-lakes and trails
-hearing the Minnesota accent while up north
-the people the people the people

I better stop before I convince myself to stay here. *gasp* If only we were moving in the middle of February. This state has the unsettling ability to replace gray with green and white with blue, making all residents forget winter ever even existed.

Just glad this little man is coming with me. Families should never be separated.

peace
rrww

one

My son turned one yesterday. 

One. 

The simplest and most basic number, and yet it holds innumerable memories, emotions, and events. 

Best one yet. 

peace and birthdays

hunger games

Zero sum game: a mathematical or economic situation in which each participant's gain or loss of utility is exactly balanced by the losses or gains of utility of the other participants.

In other words, if you are happy or succeeding, then I am not. And if I am happy or succeeding, then you are not.

And in even simpler terms... There is one donut. If you get the donut then I don't and I am sad and hungry. And if I get the donut, you are sad and hungry.

I'm sure that mathematicians and economists are all shaking their heads in shame at my very basic understanding of zero sum game, but I didn't do so hot in ECON 110 i was distracted by a cute TA before i knew harry existed so just go with it. I'm guessing that there are some actual life situations that are zero sum games - the donut example above, maybe a promotion at work, definitely class rankings in law school eye-roll, and The Hunger Games. But you know what's NOT a zero sum game?

Basically every other piece of good news in the world.

We are not battling each other in a zero sum game of good news. Good news for you does not equal bad news for me, and vice versa. I have found myself falling into this twisted game mentality when I see photos of people traveling. Somehow I end up resenting them for their vacations, blaming them for my lack thereof. Do I wish we were traveling as well? Of course! But are we NOT traveling BECAUSE this couple holding hands and jumping in front of the Eiffel Tower ARE? did you follow my emphases? 

No! We aren't traveling because we've chosen to freeze our eyelashes off in the great white north while pursuing a law degree. Our lack of travel has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with poor student life.

The examples of good news being turned into resentment are endless, especially between moms and moms to be. Motherhood and all it entails is an incredibly sensitive subject, close to many tender hearts. It requires consideration for others feelings and as much sympathy as is humanly possible. However, we should be able to share our good news of motherhood- whether about our child's health, our different labor experiences, satisfaction with successful breastfeeding, getting a good night of sleep, or when we manage to get an hour of gym time in - without the fear of being blamed or shamed for it.

Good news should be shared in a tasteful way. If you're bragging and rubbing it in people's faces then stop it because you're wrong. But if you have good news, share it. If you've accomplished something difficult and are proud of it, share it. And if you find yourself asking people to stop sharing their good news because you wish it were your own news, get out of the game. We all know Katniss wins anyway.


peace and sugar
rrww

ps. i promise to post photos on here again at some point.

guest post

 

Harry wrote this credo for one of his many ethics classes I guess schools think lawyers need to learn more about ethical living and said I could share it here. His professor asked to meet Harry for coffee or hot chocolate after reading his submission, calling his writing and story "powerful." I completely agree.

 

*****

 



"Rain pounded the windows. I pried open the drapes to catch a glimpse of the golf ball-sized water droplets only to peer into the endless black abyss. I could only hear them. The weather service issued a tornado warning for the area and the nurses would dance into the room with their light blue scrubs to instruct us on evacuation routes. I sensed it was only protocol. The weather, for once, was the least of our worries, because it was the early morning on June 16, 2018, and my wife had been in labor for eight hours. I slept next to her on the stiff, sterile couch in the delivery room. Sleeping a half hour every hour, I could not tell if I was waking up from that faux leather donned couch that squeaked every time I moved, the pounding rain, or my indescribable fear. I would wake up and examine my wife, who at this time was half-way through her epidural and rather enjoying it. She smiled at me, but I can see in her eyes the same unrest and uneasiness that I felt. In a few hours, our lives would change.

The great architect Frank Lloyd Wright designed his homes with small, enclosed hallways, doorways, and awnings dramatically opening to grand and open spaces. This idea promoted an emotional catharsis, or, a sudden release from pain, pressure, and stress. He conceptualized the theory of being born again in his designs. As I watched my son being born, the rain still pounded the windows, the sky emanated a pale green prominence, and tornados warnings remained in effect. However, my fear, uncertainty, and selfishness conceded to feelings of profound euphoria. As my son drew his first breath, the way I viewed the world rushed with indescribable clarity. It was no longer about my goals, aspirations, and desires. It was about him. And I could not be happier about it.

I was raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or more colloquially known as, “Mormon.” I believe that the bible is the word of God. I believe in the Book of Mormon, not as a sacrilege Broadway musical, but as additional teachings from God’s prophets. I believe that families are not separated at death, but an entity that continues into the eternities. I do not drink alcohol, coffee, or tea. I try not to curse, lie, cheat, or steal. I do not gamble, shop on Sunday, or view R-rated movies. I believe in the cleansing power of Christ’s Atonement, that our mistakes, burdens, struggles, and sins will be completely, utterly exonerated. Lastly, I believe that God loves every man, woman, and child who ever lived on earth, lives now, and will live on this earth and amen to my salvation if I do not try to do the same.

When I was 19, I gave up my family, friends, worldly entertainment, and schooling to be a proselyting missionary for two years. I was assigned by church leaders to proselyte in Denmark. I learned Danish in nine weeks and before I knew it, I was doing the very thing that my parents, family members, church leaders, and friends had influenced me to do my whole life. I wore a white button-down shirt and tie every day. I trudged through the pelting rain and the brutal North Sea winds. I walked kilometers down winding, narrow country roads, along colorful beaches, and stumbled over cobblestones in three-century-year-old streets. I knocked on cottages with thatched roofs, crooked doorways from the medieval era, and luxurious downtown apartments. I spoke with atheists, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, and Jews. I spoke to drug addicts, single working mothers, college students, and wealthy businessmen. I spoke to them on the busses, on the trains, on the streets, in their homes and apartment buildings. I ministered to those that were in need, and I taught these people about what I believed in. This was among the hardest experiences I was yet to have, but by genuinely serving others and learning about others, regardless of their beliefs, I grew to love them deeply. There is a special veneration in my heart for the Danes.

My experiences living in Denmark and in Minnesota have taught me that there is no such thing as atheism. Most Danes claim that they believe science, or themselves, or in the power of love and kindness. What they did not realize is that God is manifested in all these areas. God is omnipotent and omnipresent, he is in everything good and wholesome, and is everywhere good and wholesome. People may not fully recognize that or are quick to disprove the forces they cannot see.

There have been many of my friends and family members, who Mormon or not, have failed to remember the goodness that God has brought them. The process of losing faith is not sudden. It begins by small sinful actions that go unrepentant, or it begins when we skip a couple days from reading in the bible or praying. It could also begin by skipping church a number of weeks in a row. When we fail to nourish our spiritual intellect, our spirits concede to worldly, tangible thinking. Science becomes a way to prove a nonexistent God, rather than science to prove the existence of God. They replace spiritual happiness with worldly happiness, chasing big jobs, expensive homes, and extravagant lifestyles. I have wet my pillow at night, when I see strong believers I loved and respected slip into states of faithlessness.

As I wrote this credo, I reflected upon the instances that defined me. My job now is to take what defines me and be confident in raising my newborn son and strengthening my marriage. Everything I do, whether it is being a successful lawyer, a strong member of a workplace community, or a societal figurehead, trickles down to what provides me with the greatest sense of self-worth and happiness: my family. On June 15, 2018 I did not see that. It is incredible how your entire perspective can change in 24 hours."

 

Photos by Mal Wolfgramm
@malwolfgrammphoto