8 reasons i'll never make it big

I love this little blog of mine, not going to lie. It's been with me since the beginning of my "adult" life, when I moved out of the house and had to start pretending I could cook. still working on that. It's gone through awkward stage after awkward stage as I experimented with word art ugh and played around with pixelated pictures ughugh and thought I was more clever than I actually was. I guess it was me who was going through the awkward stages huh? And here I was thinking I had left those behind in junior high school...but I guess the fact that I had to ask my little sister if my hair looked like a mullet this weekend proves I'm still in the middle of the awkward struggle. to caroline's credit, she looked at me, burst into laughter, and then tried to choke out a "no...it's doesn't look ENTIRELY like a mullet." 

What was I trying to say? Oh right. I love my blog, but I unfortunately have realized that I will never make it big in the blogging world. Here are the reasons why. Yep, it's list time.

1. I'm a single Mormon. Now, as I've ventured through the blogging land I've noticed a few things. Mormons are everywhere awesome! and so are single women ...cool? However, the Mormons all have children or "hubbies" and the single ladies all hit up the bar/club/wherever-it-is-they-go-to-get-totally-wasted at any and every hour of the day. These two lifestyles are at the heart of all big blogs. The heart of my little blog is somewhere in Montana, eating cheese quesadillas, throbbing for Nicholas Hoult and watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.

2. Along with number 1, I can give you no relationship advice. None. Ever. No "19 Ways to Have a Date Absolutely Every Day" or "42 Tips for the 'Touch The Elbow' Move" or "137 Essentials to Keep The Flame Alive Without Burning Down the House" will ever come from me. However, if you ever find yourself on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? and the question happens to be on Harry Potter trivia, call me immediately.

3. The people who read this blog know me outside of the blog. Let me explain. In the big blogs there will be a quick phrase or comment about how the blog is a secret, how none of their friends know about it and how terrified the writers would be if anyone they actually knew read their blog. #saywhaaaa? My family and friends are the only people who have enough mercy on me to take a glance at this thing every now and then. And bless them for it. love ya guys.

4. I don't do outfits of the day. And yes, that's a thing. With it's own hashtag "#ootd" too. That hashtag is the whole point of some of the big blogs out there. And I...well...basically clothes are the worst part of my day always. I recently went through an entire morning thinking of how pants are my personal Undesirable Number One. (HP reference right there. If you get it, we are new best friends.) Clothes make me feel less free than America before the revolution, so why in the world would I ever take a picture of my outfit? That's like taking a thumbs up picture with the serial killer who's just pulled you into his van.

5. Nicknames. I don't do them here. If I do use a nickname, it's because I actually refer to the person that way in real life. Sure, I gave it a shot a few times but it just felt weird. So I stopped. I mean really? Is this Gossip Girl or something? No. It's not. although i have been told i look like a character on that show so basically i'm a celebrity.

6. Crafts/Cooking/Home Remedies. Come on, we've already acknowledged that everyone who reads this knows me, so you KNOW that these things do not exist in my life. The closest I got was trying that gelatin thing on my face that's supposed to make your pores smaller. It smelled like puke and burned my skin so I stopped all kitchen experiments and am still trying to recover.

7. My life isn't inspiring. If you have ever been inspired by something I wrote at some point in my life, I stand in awe of you and your ability to see depth where there is none. I can think of one, maybe two posts that came from somewhere deep in my soul, but they usually...don't. Other, bigger blogs devote time to helping their readers to reach for their goals, to be brave, and to be better people. I guess I'll give it a shot.

Go ahead. Pin it.

8. I haven't watched any of The Bachelorette this season. Shun me, it's fine.

peace and chicken tacos from that one little place down on center street because holymonoly those things are good

rrw